Self-Awareness means more than ”It doesn’t hurt”

self-awareness, self awareness, body language

How self-aware can you become?

My constant search for more soft skills to better understand self-awareness and conscious body language was rewarded again. A client and I were taking an inventory of how he was feeling. With a semi-resigned face he replied, ”It doesn’t hurt”. OK, I thought, accurate description, but what else was he feeling? Then it hit me, what was it I was feeling?
I realized that other than a very automatic check I was not in touch with my senses much either.

How often do we sense how we are feeling and when ”nothing hurts” we cease the inquiry? Is there any conscious inquiry when you get a polite and unconscious ”fine” reply? If someone answers with a positive ”Great!” or as in Texas, ”Any better and I’d have to be twins!” do you notice any inquiry or is it just an automatic response?

Yet, what we are often good at is very detailed analysis of where and how it hurts most. How many of us actually spend any time on the other end of the spectrum to measure and describe how good we feel? What would happen if we paid equal attention to that?

If it doesn’t hurt that just means you have reached the mid point on this spectrum of feelings. You have made it back to Zero and have survived another inventory without pain. Yet how much are you just interested in just surviving? How can we learn how to thrive unless we can first dare to sense it and then authentically describe how it feels?

When doing caoching sessions the client is often asked to describe how they feel with greater precision. If they can distinquish which leg or arm, for example feels happier, sadder, lighter or heavier then we can begin raising their level of bodily harmony. If this is their first time, this inquiry is usually answered with a confused look and followed by a request to have the question repeated. Interestingly, once the question is fully understood, the standard reply is ”I don’t really feel anything”. Sometimes there is a hint of surprise; more often just a ”business as usual” blank stare. Are you surprised if you do not feel anything?

Could this be sensational evidence of how completely shut off from our senses many have allowed themselves to become?? Should you disagree and believe you can still feel, Great! Now, how much more is there to sense and how much do you dare to look?

Becoming a sensational: leader, salesperson, customer service representative, mother or father is a function of how many feelings you are open to experience. The bad news is it often takes more training to focus on the healthier and more pleasurable ones. Not because you can’t, but because of the all the training you have had focusing on the rest. The more you breathe, consciously open up your senses and allow yourself to feel what is happening both internally and externally the more you will be able to:

  • Be present, here and now to opportunities you normally miss.
  • Listen to yourself and others in a way that makes everyone feel special
  • Allow others to ventilate their frustrations and then open up their listening
  • Communicate in a way that engages listeners more and moves them into action
  • Enjoy more health, prosperity and fun than you thought you could

So, next time someone asks you how you are feeling, take a moment and do a little internal inventory. Take a deep, enjoyable breath and consciously sense your arms, toes, legs, toes, organs, brain, etc. Sense this both by:

  • Measuring how warm, cold, soft, hard, stiff, soft, etc. each part is and then
  • Feeling how happy, sad, painful, content, angry each part feels too.

Take a few more deep breaths to enhance the process and see if you get more conscious contact with all the information and energy you are feeling.

Then after a reflective pause answer your inquirer authentically. Then actively cultivate the honesty and warmth of the conversation that begins to unfold for you both.

My new book about applying conscious body language to business and life will be coming out soon, stay tuned!

About The Author


I am fascinated with what makes us humans ”tick”, especially when it comes to how we consciously communicate and express ourselves with our body language. My business background is in international sales and sales management, selling everything from automobile tires in Houston, Tx, to retail banking delivery systems in 20 countries. I have graduated from CoachU’s 3 year Coach Training program, been certified as an Extended DISC consultant and become a Certified International Body Harmony Teacher with over 20 years of ”hands-on” experience in bodywork. This rich and varied background combined with over 20 years of being an entrepreneur has blessed me with insights and experiences I never would have noticed in the corporate world. Mainstream business now seems to be waking up to the riches available from more conscious and responsible business practices. Expanding Understanding’s Sensational Soft Skills Toolbox , the books I have written and training I have developed now provide savvy decision makers and their colleagues measurable results and a more restful night's sleep. These tools provide an edge in consciously understanding, deliberately using and profiting from the most powerful communication tool available, our bodies. I look forward to meeting you on this path to mastery in non verbal communication.

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